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The Fun Page |
Buying or selling a home can cause anxiety at times in today's market. That's why I have this page....and because my broker said I take my job way too seriously...
Caution: scrolling down and reading may lead to a lifting of spirits, possible smiling and in some cases...acute chuckling or giggling.
I have a friend who suffers from insomnia, is agnostic, and struggles with dyslexia--he often stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog...
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It is a known fact that two thirds of the human brain is made up of fat. So the next time someone comes up and calls you a fathead, say "thank you."
--Tom Hedlund
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HUSKER FANS:
Click on the link below and enjoy! Turn up the sound!
The History of Nebaska Football video
Here are a few more helpful sites, especially if you're new to Omaha:
Omaha College and Pro Sports Links
For Campers: Nebraska Game, Fish & Parks
Fun Things to do in Omaha
Omaha Running Club
The Omaha World-Herald
Visit Nebraska!
OmahaAccuWeather
Here are a few of the most unusual excuses employees offered their managers for arriving late to work:
1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
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Murphy's "Other" Laws:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he
will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. |
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These are actual country music titles you may have forgotten:
1. I don't know whether to kill myself or go bowling
2. I changed her oil, she changed my life
3. I fell in a pile of you and got love all over me
4. I still miss you baby, but my aim's gettin' better
5. I'll marry you tomorrow, but let's honeymoon tonight
6. I'm so miserable without you, it's like having you here
7. You're the reason our kids are so ugly
8. You done tore my heart out and stomped that sucker flat
9. She got the gold mine, I got the shaft
10. Please bypass this heart
Pardon The Pun
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels!
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On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the # 2 business"
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber!"
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On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
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At an Optometrist's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
Searching or selling a home doesn't have to keep you up at night. I'll help you get there--and you will save money in the process.
Let's get started. You can reach me at 402.677.1745
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